Words Like Knives
by evermine
Summary: Damon pleads for Elena's honesty about her feelings for him. He already knows it, she can't admit it and he just needs to hear it. But words can be like knives, they can cut you open. Oneshot. Rated M for a reason.


**Authors Note – This is my very first Vampire Diaries fic. I'm all about Twilight but i do ocassionally digress. So this oneshot would not stop taunting me and in the express interest of satisfying my inner longings to see some Damon and Elena action, this is what came of it.**

**Thanks to Txgal77 & russetdiamond86 for prereading, missmez for being beta and the fabulously talented UntilWeBleed for making the smokin' hot banner (check it out on my profile page)**

**This is rated M for a reason...**

**The song is so fitting for these two, if you are interested, this is the link**

**Youtube****(.)com(/)watch?v=V3b1CDLsiGU**

_Disclaimer: The Vampire Diaries and its characters belong to their rightful owners. _

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><p>'<em>Words can be like knives<br>__They can cut you open  
><em>_And the silence surrounds you and haunts you _

_I think I might've inhaled you  
><em>_I could feel you behind my eyes  
><em>_You've gotten into my bloodstream  
><em>_I could feel you floating in me'_

'_Bloodstream' by Stateless_

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><p><strong>Words Like Knives<strong>

"Let me be clear about something," he said, his eyes piercing and utterly honest. "If it comes down to you and the witch again I will gladly let Bonnie die. I will always choose you."

The bluntness of Damon's statement ripped through the carefully constructed guard I had put in place to protect myself from him. His words tore open old wounds which I thought had healed and vanished, but just like a lingering scar; they were still there, I just didn't recognise them any longer.

I was in love with Stefan. I was.

And I hated Damon. I really did.

Hate, they say, is an emotion that is equally as passionate and consuming as love. It was for me. I burned with the same intensity for both of them.

I didn't always hate him. There were a few moments where I actually felt something for him in a way that I knew I shouldn't. But they were fleeting and always followed by Damon proving once again to be a monster.

I swallowed thickly as his gaze bore right through me. His eyes were as blue as the sky and as deep as the ocean – I would surely drown in them.

"Goodnight Damon," I replied in a low voice.

His stare didn't waver, not even slightly. I turned and walked away to leave. I approached the door and when I reached my hand out to grasp the knob Damon appeared, blocking me from exiting the room.

I took a step back as he slammed the door shut behind him.

My heart immediately leapt into my throat and fear tingled through my veins. Damon's predatory stance was in stark contrast to the solemn expression in his face.

"Damon, what are you doing?" I asked nervously.

He cocked his head to the side, evaluating me.

"Stefan's not here."

I straightened my posture, trying to feign assertiveness, but I was certain he could hear my heart pounding in my chest and he could smell my blood pumping vigorously through my veins.

He'd done so much to hurt me in the past that I couldn't trust him any longer. I gave him so many chances, and time and time again he proved me wrong. I always believed there was some good in everyone, but Damon had erased every decent thing he ever did by doing something reckless and evil in its place.

"No he's not," I finally answered. "But he'll be back soon." I lied. Something about his demeanour made panic flourish inside of me.

Stefan had gone to Alaric's and told me not to wait up. It was just Damon and I at home – alone.

Damon began taking steps towards me and I matched each of his with a backward one till my back was up against the side of his wardrobe - the cool surface making me flinch. He stood so close that I felt his breath fan across my face, I could feel his hard chest press against my breasts and the tops of his thighs against my hips.

He leered down at me, emotions playing behind his eyes.

My breath caught. "Damon, don't please," I begged.

He leaned down and ran his nose along the length of my jaw and my knees almost gave out beneath me. His mouth came to rest on my temple, lingering there for a minute before he spoke.

"I won't hurt you Elena," he mouthed against my skin with his lips.

Fear kept my heart pumping faster against his tightly pressed chest as his hand rose up between us. The back of his cool fingers ran along my cheek before his fingertips trailed a path back down, over the curve of my jaw and along the length of my neck.

I gasped instinctively and turned my face away from him. He couldn't be this close to me. He shouldn't be. I knew this, what I didn't know was why excitement and anticipation began swelling in the pit of my stomach and rising up like flood waters, washing away every obstacle I'd ever put up between he and I.

"Damon, stop. Please," I pleaded in a broken whisper.

His proximity was doing things to my insides that I didn't want. An anxious flutter in my chest, a heaviness in my lungs that increased my breaths to pants and an ache deep down inside that Damon most certainly should not be provoking.

His eyes came to rest where his fingers were toying with the chain of my necklace. It was filled with vervain and the only defence I had against him. He turned the pendant over and over in his hands, then he balanced it on his index fingers just under my chin before quickly grasping it and yanking it from around my neck.

A small sound escaped my mouth in response. The snap of the chain reverberated in my ears and the back of my neck stung from the chain tearing over my skin.

"What are you doing?" I asked as he held the necklace in his palm and stared at it.

"You don't need this," he replied as he shoved the piece of jewellery in his pocket.

It was my only protection from Damon compelling me and now that it was firmly lodged in his jeans, I was at his mercy.

"Don't."

"Don't what?" he asked with a quirked brow.

"Don't compel me." I wasn't certain whether he would be that manipulative, but from what he's demonstrated in the past – I wouldn't put it past him.

"What could I possibly make you do that would have you so terrified?" he teased mercilessly.

A lump rose in my throat. That is exactly what I was afraid of, but I didn't admit it, I stayed quiet.

Damon lowered his mouth to mine, he was exactly one inch away from my lips. "Well if you're honest with me, and yourself for that matter, I won't need to compel you."

This was dangerous.

"Stefan will be home any minute," I lied through gritted teeth.

He laughed bitterly. "You're already lying Elena."

"Why are you doing this?" I asked, desperately wanting to know his motivation. I loved Stefan, what good could any of this do? There may be something there for him still, a flicker of something he himself snuffed out with his careless actions, but there was no point in rehashing it when it would only cause pain. Not just to me, but to all three of us.

Damon's eyes snapped to mine and his brows creased with utter frustration. "I'm doing this because you've chosen to hand yourself over to Klaus on a fucking silver platter. You're choosing to die. And I need the truth. I deserve to know."

Fury rose up through my body and I spat the words venomously. "Know what Damon? I love your brother - it's always going to be Stefan."

He flinched from the sting of my words and I saw the hurt painted in his face. His hand reached down and roughly grabbed the wrist of my left hand, then he repeated the gesture with my right. He had me pinned against the wardrobe.

"How do you feel about me?" He finally asked the question he'd been skirting and waiting for me to voluntarily disclose.

His grip tightened on my wrists. I stopped struggling, the burn was too much and I knew he wouldn't let me go.

"You're hurting me," I said softly.

Damon's hands instantly loosened. I still hurt - not just my wrists but also deep inside, the place that I'd pushed all of my lingering feelings for Damon.

"Tell me," he pushed.

His hands unwound from my wrists completely and traced paths on either side of my body - up my thigh, over the curve of my hip and alongside my breast till he reached up to cup my face.

"Tell me," he repeated for the third time, his eyes imploring me for my honesty. "Or I swear Elena, I _will_ make you."

"What difference does it make?" I asked. It was too late for anything to matter now.

"It will to _me_. You _are_ going to die, you made that choice, there's nothing stopping you now. So please… I _need_ to know."

"No." I wasn't being hurtful or selfish – in fact the opposite. I was saving him from a lifetime of what ifs, because the answer to his question would open up Pandora's box and I wouldn't be here anymore. I was going to die. I'd made peace with that.

He grasped my face firmer between his palms and lifted my jaw so that I would meet his expectant gaze. "Don't _make_ me compel you."

Damon spoke the words softly against my lips as he pressed every inch of his body against mine. I couldn't tell where I ended and he began. I felt the bulge in his jeans against my stomach and it ignited a fire that swept through me.

His tongue gently glided over my lips and I panted in response, my mouth instinctively opening to grant him entry. But he stopped.

Damon pulled back ever so slightly, his eyes widened and he looked into my eyes with such intensity that I could have sworn he saw into the depths of my soul. He pressed his pelvis against me more urgently and held my face perfectly still as he spoke. "Tell me," he pleaded commandingly.

I came apart in his arms, I felt like he punched a hole through my chest and tore out my will. The words rose in my throat and flooded my mouth with my secret, I had coveted Damon for a long time and it was all too much right now and it was going to be real because I was going to say it out loud. It would hurt us both but there was no way to stop it.

To my knowledge, I'd never been compelled before, but this was what I imagined it to feel like. To have no grasp on your actions, to have your resolve and strength melt away like ice and you could not do a damn thing about it.

"I want you."

I spoke to the words through thick tears – they streamed down my cheeks and over the backs of Damon's hands which were still holding my face.

"I know," he breathed against my mouth before crashing his lips to it recklessly.

I whimpered in response, whether it was from the urgency of his kiss or the weight of the floodgates which had now been pried open – I wasn't entirely sure.

My head swam and my heart thumped. I felt alive, dizzy with excitement, and dread all intermingled. Everything was a blur and all I knew to be true was Damon.

His hands roughly found their way to the hem of my shirt which he tore off of my body in one swift motion. His hungry lips licked, sucked and bit a trail down my neck, breathing his satisfaction into my ear as his teeth grazed my earlobe. He continued down my chest as his hand caressed the mound of my breast. His lips met his eager hands and he pulled down my bra and devoured me as his mouth closed over my nipple.

I could barely stand, my legs shaking beneath me as Damon's strong hands seized every inch of my skin he could reach. My hands fisted his inky black hair, my vision so blurry I could barely notice the stark contrast of the strands gripped between my fingers.

His mouth left my chest and his tongue danced down over the sensitive skin of my stomach as he dipped below my navel, dropping heavily to his knees with a thud as he did, the sound echoing off the wooden floors. His fingers flicking open the button of my jeans and tearing at the zipper. In one rapid instant, he pulled my jeans and underwear down the length of my body and his tongue delved between the soft wet flesh between my thighs.

I bit down on my lip so hard I tasted the blood that pooled in my mouth. I dropped my head back and breathed his name like a prayer over and over again. My mind screamed another name - Stefan's, but it was as if those memories were trapped behind solid glass that I could not break through. I just remained helplessly on the other side looking in and at Damon's mercy.

He pulled away for a brief second to remove his shirt. I looked down at him, his eyes swimming with lust and desire and I was drowning in them once more.

Damon's arms wrapped around me and he lifted me off of the floor, my legs wrapping around him in response as my arms did the same around his neck. He laid me on his bed gently, hovering over me and slowly kissing my mouth – hard but with such tightly held restrain_t_ that I melted. His tongue tasting me and then it registered I had blood in my mouth only moments ago. His instinct was tearing through him as he longed for my blood, but he fought it with everything that he was and pulled away, instead, making his way back down the length of my body to nestle between my thighs once again.

This time, he parted my legs with his hands roughly and tauntingly lapped at the wetness pooling there for him. His nimble fingers met his tongue as he pushed one inside of me through my slick folds. I cried out in desperate relief, I wanted him inside me in any way that he could be; I wanted him in my bloodstream, coursing through me, totally and completely.

He added another finger as the ache rose in me, the yearning a physical ache deep inside. He pumped his fingers rhythmically as his tongue caressed and taunted over my center, pushing me right over the edge and directly into his capable hands. My breath caught as the flood of emotion poured out like a tidal wave, leaving me coming apart in his mouth.

Tears spilled from my eyes. This was the worst feeling ever threaded through the most utter satisfaction I never thought possible. I floated somewhere between reality and purposeful oblivion, pretending that this wasn't real – I knew it was, but I longed for this to be a delicious dream instead, with absolutely no consequences beside an embarrassed flush in Damon's presence tomorrow.

The guilt crawled up through my chest as I forced it away, continuing with this masquerade which would rip the three of us apart for ever.

I pulled Damon up to me and my mouth collided on his as I tasted myself there, lingering desire on his lips. I frantically struggled with the zipper of his jeans, I couldn't take it any more, I _needed_ this, and I longed for him to fill me in every way that mattered in this moment.

He helped remove his jeans and underwear and his erection was throbbing between my legs waiting for my permission. I nodded slightly and he positioned himself and thrust forward. I never thought I could ever feel so full – full of love and emotion and raw wanting so painful that I could taste it.

The tears from my eyes didn't falter; they continued to run down my cheeks without thought or consent. It was my body's physical reaction to my betrayal when my emotions failed me, they were turned off and didn't recognise how utterly sick and twisted this was – not yet. I was certain Damon saw to that with one mesmerising gaze into my eyes. I was sure I'd been compelled – I knew myself too well and there is no way known that I would ever act with such abandon.

Damon's knees pushed beneath my thighs and he wrapped his arms behind my back and pulled me up so I was straddling him as he sat back on his heels. My feet on the mattress gave me leverage and I used it to push down on him, grinding my hips against his as he pushed up.

He pressed his forehead against mine, our lips parted and breaths mingling and filling the small space between us. His eyes begged me for words, but I couldn't give him any more than this. I gave him my body and this was my way of telling him the things he was so desperate to hear from me. Even if I wanted to, I don't think the words could slip past the lump firmly lodged there, a physical reminder of the betrayal.

We moved together, against one another, increasing the friction to the point of sheer agony. His arm wrapped around my waist and gripped so tightly, holding on for dear life, because he _knew_ that this wouldn't last. I would leave and he would never have me again. He couldn't, I had impending death waiting for me at Klaus' hands.

Damon suddenly flipped me back onto the bed and climbed on top, lifting my knees and pushing so hard into me that I cried out in pain, a beautiful filling pain that I just couldn't get enough of. I wanted more, deeper, further and harder - more of him and everything that he was.

The fire rose through me again, burning every nerve ending in my body in its wake, searing every inch of the flesh that he ignited. The pressure built as easily as it did the first time and a few erratic thrusts and I was coming apart in his arms, gripping at his shoulders and burying my face in his neck as he joined me, falling off of the edge and floating into sedated oblivion.

He mouthed words of love in my ear, but I couldn't comprehend them, I didn't dare.

Damon didn't move and neither did I. We lay completely wrapped in each other – limbs and emotions, this would never happen again and we were reluctant to let go, because once we did – that would be it. The ties would be cut forever.

This was our poetic justice. The threads that bound us would be sliced apart by the blade of our admissions because they wouldn't change anything, ever if I hadn't already sentenced myself to death.

We dressed in complete silence, our eyes not meeting one another's – not even once.

"Elena," he called out in a broken whisper.

I turned to face him and he stood with his hand outstretched and the necklace precariously dangling from his grasp.

I closed the gap between us and reached to take the necklace from him. His fingers ghosted over the back of my hand. I quickly turned away, the overwhelming feeling of emptiness weighing heavily on me. It hurt, the pain was unbearable and the tears welled and spilled over instantly.

Damon grabbed my wrists and swung me around to face him and I crashed into his embrace. The safety and familiarity of it was astounding and my tears continued to shed into his shirt, my body attempting to wash away my guilt.

"I love you Elena, always," Damon said against my hair. His hands cupped my jaw as his thumbs wiped away the tear tracks. "Tell me too. I need to hear it."

My eyes were firmly clenched shut, I wanted to block all of this out, pretend it didn't exist, that I hadn't made love to my boyfriend's brother.

But I did, and I owed it him to say the words after I'd done all I physically could to show him. I mustered up every ounce of strength I had in me and looked directly into those blue eyes - I could lose myself in them forever.

"I love you Damon."

And now it was more real than ever.

Damon's hands trembled against my face, his eyes welled with the tears that fell without him even blinking.

"I'm sorry," I added.

He shook his head frantically. "Don't ever say that." He lovingly wrapped me in an embrace and kissed my cheek softly.

Then he reached and grasped my shoulders, holding me steady and looking at me once again. "Do you want me to take it away?"

I should have been strong enough to deal with the consequences of my actions, to make peace with the guilt and betrayal, as well as the overwhelming need for Damon. But I was tired of fighting and struggling, so I took the easy way out.

"Yes." I closed my eyes as I said the word.

Damon kissed each of my eyelids gently. "Open your eyes Elena."

I did, I pried them open and revelled in the feel of his hands on me, knowing it would be the last time it would feel so significant, because after this moment I would be back to the void I dug in the place of my feelings for Damon.

I focused on his pupils floating in the sea of blue in his eyes. They widened for an instant and I almost heard the words in a state of trance rather than completely lucid.

"I love you Elena. But you will never remember anything that happened here _or_ what we said."

I closed my eyes and when I opened them again I felt strange, but I remembered every breath, every word and every touch.

I feigned a confused look, that's what I thought he'd expected after he compelled me. His expression stabbed at my heart and I gripped the vervain pendant tighter in my grip.

"Goodnight Damon," I said as I turned and felt so empty walking away from him, pretending that he'd taken it away and that he'd bear the burden for the both of us.

These next few days would be hard enough for all of us; I could ease this for him and let him think he took it away, it would torture me till Klaus took my life.

"Goodbye Elena."


End file.
